Seven Steps to Good Mental Health
Psychological well-being is something that we all have a
right to. However, for a variety of reasons to do with upbringing, life
experiences, physiology, environment and so on... we often find ourselves with
a mind-state other than what we desire. Depression, anxiety, and stress seem to
be the major obstacles to just feeling good - judging by the number of visits
to doctors for help with these problems.
It doesn't really matter what the label is for your
particular problem, if you follow the seven steps diligently, there will be an
improvement in your general feeling of well being.
The Seven Steps are:
1. Acceptance
2. Releasing guilt
3. Expressing Appreciation
4. Physical exercise
5. Creative activity
6. Right livelihood
7. Meditation
They need to be taken in sequence. Total mastery is not
required, but the time to move on is when you feel, or get a sense, that some movement
has taken place within your mind. Psychological shifts are felt with a
lightness, better sleep, smiling, singing, noticing beauty around you, wanting
to do something different, spring cleaning...
Acceptance:
Acceptance is the single most important step to take.
Acceptance is giving up being a victim. Acceptance is giving up giving up.
Acceptance is a declaration of intent to move forward with life rather than
continue to stagnate and blame circumstances or individuals for how things are.
Acceptance is the shift towards accepting that whatever is
going on in your life is your responsibility. It is recognising that you are
where you are because of the choices you have made in life. And if this means
that you have to accept the crazy idea that you made a choice to suffer from a
physical illness, then you do just that - accept it. Acceptance is no longer
fighting. Once you no longer fight, you no longer resist. Once you no longer
resist you can move with the flow.
Every single thing, big or small, good or bad, you simply
say to yourself "I accept that this is going on for me right now".
You don't have to like it. You don't have to keep it forever. You just have to
accept it in the present moment if it's there.
The truth is that it's there whether or not you accept it.
So by accepting you are not making things worse, because you've already got it.
You are just changing your position in relation to it.
Accept also that the thinking that got you where you are is
unlikely to get you out - otherwise it would have already done so. You need to
think differently. Acceptance is thinking differently. Acceptance is
approaching the problem with wisdom. If you are so frightened you can't go
outside without a companion, and even then you are terrified, then just accept
that that's the way you are right now. You don't have to understand why you are
like that, you just need to acknowledge it. "I am too frightened to go out
right now, so I'll stay in"; "I'm really worried about my new boss
right now, but that's okay, worry is a natural event in the face of difficult
circumstances"; "I feel really depressed, but that's okay, it's just
my mind's way of preparing me for change". You can always find something
to say to yourself that is accepting.
Releasing Guilt:
Guilt is something we are taught to experience. It is
unnatural. Guilt can be experienced in the form: I did something I shouldn't
have done and now I feel bad; or I didn't do something I should have done and
now I feel bad; either way this is a self-created guilt. Or it can be induced
"you should feel bad because..." when you behaved in a way that
someone disapproved of; or in the form "well I was planning on going out
tonight and I almost never go out with my mates and you go out all the time,
but if you really want to go out, then I'll stay in... don't think there's much
on telly...".
Whatever you did or didn't do is done or not done. Feeling
bad about it can't undo it. This style of guilt is a belief in a Time Machine.
It is engaging in fantasy. What is in the past is in the past. Either own up
and take the consequences, or don't. Choose which it is to be and then consign
the experience to the past where it belongs and shift your attention to the
present moment.
Emotional blackmail is the other way guilt is commonly
experienced. Just stop playing that game. If you accept responsibility for your
own feelings, then you must allow others to do the same. Do what you want to do
and as long as you are not physically or psychologically harming others then
that's ok. Someone sulking because you are having more fun than them won't do
them any harm. When you give in to emotional blackmail you are effectively
walking round with a big sign on your back saying - Abuse me, I don't mind.
Expressing Appreciation:
This is one of the most difficult steps to master, so
remember mastery is not the goal. The real problem with expressing appreciation
is that many people feel uncomfortable when appreciation is expressed for
something they have done "it was nothing", "don't mention
it", "anyone would have done it".
Let's say you decide to buy a gift for someone you love (not
a sexual partner, a friend) just so they know how important they are in your
life. You spend a lot of time choosing the gift. You wrap it beautifully and present
it to them. They take one look and hand it back. How would you feel? Most
people would feel at least a little hurt.
Appreciation is a gift.
Appreciation is a gift of love.
When someone does something for you that you like - let them
know. Write an e-mail, send a letter, give a bigger tip, say something more
than the ritual "thank you" - "thank you that was nice",
"I really enjoyed...", "you are very thoughtful"...
Money is a wonderful way to express appreciation. Buy from
those whom you appreciate. Send donations. Offer payment where none is
expected.
And as you start to express appreciation more and more in
your life you will find one day that when someone offers that gift of
appreciation to you, you will not reject it you will accept it with "thanks,
that's really nice of you to say".
Physical Exercise:
However much exercise you get you can always increase it.
There is much truth in the old adage - A healthy mind in a healthy body.
Exercise is the expression of appreciation for your
beautiful body. Your body is such a miraculous creation - so complex, so
incredibly amazing - that it would be a rejection at the deepest level for you
to ignore its physical well-being. It doesn't matter how unfit you are. You can
always exercise more than you are doing. Exercise releases endorphins. You feel
better after exercise. The benefits are cumulative. It provides more oxygen to
the brain, creates more alertness, awakens the immune system and so makes it
easier to fight pathogens. But most of all it establishes a discipline and
routine that is frequently lacking when mental health is poor. This change
alone will improve the situation. Should you have any physical health problems
then seek your doctor's advice about exercise.
Creative Activity:
Everyone is a creative being. Stifling our creative outlet
leads to poor mental health Our creativity is frequently stifled long before we
realise what is happening, and then it seems too late because we believe what
we have been told about ourselves. Creativity is about expressing yourself in
the world. If you create a simple, badly written story with atrocious spelling
and poor grammar, then you have expressed yourself creatively. Your creative
works don't have to be seen by others. Others tend to judge, and if you decide
to create in an area where others have much greater expertise then your
creation will not initially withstand comparison. But that doesn't mean you
shouldn't do it.
Photography and gardening have been loves of mine since I
was 14. I decided to combine the two interests and my photographs developed a
distinctly horticultural slant. At one point I wanted to share them with the
world and offered them for sale. It was a while before I made my first sale,
and another while before one of my pictures adorned the cover of a magazine.
One day I looked back at those first photographs I offered. I felt embarrassed
at the poor quality - compared to my later work. But it was only by taking more
and more pictures, looking at what was being published, and constantly improving
that I achieved my dream of a picture on a magazine cover. But the important
thing was that I enjoyed what I was doing. I didn't have to show them to the
world. I didn't have to place them in the market for comparison with others who
had much greater skill and experience than I. But I did need to take the
pictures. It was part of who I was and how I needed to express myself. My
pleasure came from the picture taking, looking at the pictures, and constantly
seeking ways to become more skilled at my craft.
Express yourself in something that you love to do. Show it
only if you want to, but don't stop doing it while you love what you do.
Right Livelihood:
In a way this follows on from the previous step. It is the
logical consequence of expressing yourself through what you love to do.
Now lest you are becoming concerned that I might ask you to
do something you can't do - like find another job - I never ask anyone to do
what they can't do. I might, however, ask you to ask yourself what exactly is
it that is stopping you from doing it. At least that way you can move towards
an acceptance of the barrier to happiness.
From time to time I ask the people I encounter "If you
could be doing anything you wanted to do, would you choose your current
livelihood?". I've yet to meet someone who answered 'yes' to that
question. Those people are out there. They just don't need to come to see me.
People tend to either hate what they do, but it's all they
can get in the way of work; or their work is okay, but they are earning too
much money to give it up and do something fun for a living.
Look to how you feel when you get up in the morning on a
workday. Is there any excitement or sense of anticipation or looking forward to
the challenges of the day ahead? This is a good sign. If there is dread, a
wishing for the day to be over, tiredness, or a general lack of enthusiasm -
then something needs to change, either the work or the attitude towards it.
Go back to step one and accept whatever it is you are
engaged in right now. Accept that you would like to be doing something more fun
but that you don't know how to bring about the change, or you are fearful of
taking the necessary steps. That's all. As best you can find small pleasures in
what you do - even if it's just the appreciation for how the income makes life
better than life would be without that income; or appreciation for the good
feeling that comes from making a contribution that benefits someone, somewhere.
And then make a list of all the things you love to do.
And then write a fantasy job description for an
income-generating job doing each of the things on your list.
Then find a way to do one of the things you love to do for
free.
Meditation:
Meditation is a mind/body regenerating exercise. Aim
initially for 10 minutes once a day at a regular time and place. If you have
such a busy schedule that you haven't got 10 minutes to spare then I'll tell
you how you can create 10 minutes out of nothing. But I know you won't do it,
because "I haven't got time for 10 minutes meditation every day" is
just an excuse to avoid coming face to face with yourself.
There are plenty of books and articles on meditation so I
won't go into the technique here. But I would also like you to consider that in
part I am suggesting quiet space for you to relax and let go of the busy-ness
in your mind for a few minutes on a daily basis. This is a regenerating
activity.
It is essential.
It is rejuvenating.
It is the most difficult step, and therefore, it has the
capacity to bring about the greatest sense of achievement.
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